doinitagann Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 So my husband and I have decided to separate after I get back from TJ. Our problems extends to way beyond recently but they sure came to a head. I am a mess and he is.....just fine. :lb12: So that makes me even more of a mess!!! Does the last 9 years mean nothing? We have got 2 gorgeous children together who are going to be devastated. my main problem with him has been, it seems like he fell out of love with me more each pound I gained. he looks at me with more disgust than love. He would never say anything out loud but a wife knows. With the weight comes lack of respect. I am treated more like his child than his equal. he shows no emotion and pretty much gets bored and frustrated if I ever do. I tried to talk to him the other day, he said, "it never does any good, so lets just not try it again", I asked him if he wanted to separate, and he thought that was a good idea. It took 2 years for him to "allow" this surgery. All the money is under only his name. (I know, should have given me a clue) Anyway, we recently moved to this area and I have no friends to confide in. I need someone to listen to me and give me some support. I am so lonely. My mom takes care of my grandma and she is such a gossip, so I need to wait till granny is not there to overhear. Thanks for listening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mona-camille Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 oh Heidi, I am so sorry. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) First and foremost, whether your name is on that account or not, 1/2 of it is yours. Right now, get a copy of the current bank statement and keep it in a secure place. You may need it when he removes the money for himself. Get the records to anything you can RIGHT NOW, not later. You need to show what the accounts say right now as you separate, not later - after he takes the money or stops paying the bills. Take whatever money you can find right now on your own and hide it. You will need it. If you have any valuables, take them and hide them too. I only say this, not for you to screw him, but to keep him from screwing YOU and for the proof you may need later. And remember, yes you DO have friends, right here! USE US!!!! Hugs, Ramona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenlynn79 Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 So my husband and I have decided to separate after I get back from TJ. Our problems extends to way beyond recently but they sure came to a head. I am a mess and he is.....just fine. :lb12: So that makes me even more of a mess!!! Does the last 9 years mean nothing? We have got 2 gorgeous children together who are going to be devastated. my main problem with him has been, it seems like he fell out of love with me more each pound I gained. he looks at me with more disgust than love. He would never say anything out loud but a wife knows. With the weight comes lack of respect. I am treated more like his child than his equal. he shows no emotion and pretty much gets bored and frustrated if I ever do. I tried to talk to him the other day, he said, "it never does any good, so lets just not try it again", I asked him if he wanted to separate, and he thought that was a good idea. It took 2 years for him to "allow" this surgery. All the money is under only his name. (I know, should have given me a clue)Anyway, we recently moved to this area and I have no friends to confide in. I need someone to listen to me and give me some support. I am so lonely. My mom takes care of my grandma and she is such a gossip, so I need to wait till granny is not there to overhear. Thanks for listening Hi Heidi, I am sorry that this is happening, especially right before surgery. It sounds like you are both in agreement about the separation, which I guess is one positive. When my first husband and I separated (right after my son was born, of course) I felt relieved because I knew it was right. Please take steps to protect yourself with regards to your money though. Please don't feel that the last 9 years were a waste- you got 2 amazing kids out of it, right? I always say that I would do it over again just to get my son and I would. There are always positive things even when things look bleak. I hope your day goes well today... Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ackovach Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Hi Heidi, You are such a sweet caring person. I know you are so hurt right now. Just do whatever it takes to protect yourself. I have no clue what that would be, but find a lawyer to help you. I use pre-paid legal to help with legal stuff. I don't know if it applies or not. I know you are scared and alone. Just use this forum. I wish I could do or say more. Thinking of you, Amy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim2BSlim Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Hey girl! Right after my surgery my husband of 9 years decided he didn't love me anymore and outright left. We have a 2yr old and a 3 yr old and I was devastated. (I have never mentioned this on here before now) He stayed gone for a little over a month and come to find out he was seeing a woman he works with. He came back when he decided that wasn't what he wanted afterall and things have been fine since. I still think about it daily and it hurts me very much. Bottom line..a man is not gonna leave his wife and kids unless there is another woman involved. You seem to be handling it better than I did. I am here if you ever need to talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Right. He's fine and you're a mess. Except that isn't right. You're emotionally present and he's astonishingly good at denial. You'll go through agony now, get better and start getting the phone calls in 6 months when he's out of sorts, isn't happy and "just wants things to go back the way they were". I'm sorry you're going through it. Take excellent care of you and your kids. And read this article. It will help. http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex...eak-ups-better/ PM me if you'd like a list of items to start storing up. The faster you lawyer up, the better. Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Take Mona-Camille's advise, and get access to your money and take copies of all banking information. I worked in family court for 10 years and if you are not prepared, he can take you to the cleaners. Are the bills in his name? Both names? Credit cards in his name? Both names? Be sure that when you separate, if you have your name on any of the bills or credit cards to take yourself off the existing accounts and create new ones with just your own name. Write down everything from this point forward. A man who can fall out of love with you because of your weight, is not the right one for you! We are here for you and to support you, you are not alone...and one day when you are thin and even more beautiful than you are right now...the revenge will be yours sweetie!!! Take care of yourself and your babies, take control now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Hey girl!Right after my surgery my husband of 9 years decided he didn't love me anymore and outright left. We have a 2yr old and a 3 yr old and I was devastated. (I have never mentioned this on here before now) He stayed gone for a little over a month and come to find out he was seeing a woman he works with. He came back when he decided that wasn't what he wanted afterall and things have been fine since. I still think about it daily and it hurts me very much. Bottom line..a man is not gonna leave his wife and kids unless there is another woman involved. You seem to be handling it better than I did. I am here if you ever need to talk. Oh Kim, I had no idea, you are truly a hero to being doing what you are doing on your own. You have beautiful children and I can see you are a great Mom!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimmy in MD Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Heidi, Think how sweet it will feel when you start loosing the weight and looking very hot and sexy again and he will probably start coming around your way more often and you just won't have the time for him. LOOKING GREAT IS THE BEST REVENGE! Hang Tuff!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momonamission Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 No one wants to see a family break up. It's hard on the adults and the kids. You gotta love yourself first. Maybe some where in that time span you valued yourself less and he saw that and started to do that too. You gotta take care of yourself. He most likely has steped out on you. But if you can be strong and focus on you and your kids than it will work out. Maybe yall will work things out in time. But before he will value you or anyone else will, you have to do it yourself. It drives me crazy when people cheat. They leave there spouse and kids to find what they thnk is better only to put everyone in a finacial jam. Than marry the new girl to be broke and miss there kids and start the process all over. It's better to work it out if there is still love there. If there is not any than it's better to find someone who has true love to give. You are going to be in transition for some time now. My friend has been seperated for a year now and just found out her husband was cheating on her this past week with a girl he cheated on her with 5 years ago. She was shocked and could not believe he was cheating, I could not beleive it took her this long to accept it. Now I think she can move on without feeling so guilty. You will find your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FRANCIE Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 Well, son of a bitch!!!! You are too pretty to worry about that piece of (&**^%!!! Is he on board with the surgery? Do you think he's really fallen out of love or is he just worried that you will lose weight and want to get rid of him? That makes me so mad. I agree with the other girls, get your affairs in order and start hiding some $$$$. What kind of man tells you that before you're getting surgery? YOU DON'T NEED HIM!!! You should just proceed as if everything is fine, get the surgery, lose weight and find someone decent for you and your kids. Sorry to be so blunt, but SHAME ON HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doinitagann Posted August 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 I just want to say a big THANK YOU to all of you. You are wonderful. i don't know what i would be like if I did not have this support system. Wow, to think I did not know any of you 2 weeks ago. You are all so wonderful. I appreciate all of your advice. Just for the record, I am quite sure there is no other woman in the picture. I do know that there is an idea of another woman though. You know, the ideal one that I am not. I hope this is a temporary separation, he is a good father and when things aren't "emotional" or mentally intimate,we can be...buddies. That said, I still think he is a jerk! Thanks again, I can't wait to have my surgery in 6 days, that is what is keeping me afloat!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kittycat Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 You have an amazing attitude, considering what you have to face. You will do just great with the band and being a happier, healthier Mom. If it's meant to work, it will, if not this is the beginning of the rest of your wonderful life. Keep strong and we are here for you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisem Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Heidi, I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Please know that you and your kids are in my thoughts and prayers. Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WormButterfly Posted August 29, 2008 Report Share Posted August 29, 2008 Ill tell you one thing, men do not have the same emotions as women, in fact statistics say on average in relationships men have less that 30% the emotions us girls do. It still dosnt help you feel better I know but what should is that your an incredible go getter and your life is changing now, *hugs* look at what you have done for your self! That shows GUTS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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