Totally disappointed in myself

[Tadpole]

Well I am about 9 weeks with the band. I lost 18 lbs and have stayed there since 4 weeks out of surgery. I have had 1 fill with 1cc and I am getting another in 1 1/2 weeks. However, I am so frusterated with not loosing weight that I have been eating tons of fast food and ice cream. Pretty much anything that I know will stay down. I am so freeking tired of sabotaging my own efforts, why do I do that???? I eat on the run a lot because of my job, and a burger is easier to eat while driving than a salad is....yes, I know I am trying to justify why I am doing what I am doing but the fact is...I AM DOING IT!!!!! I thought I would have been down at least 40 lbs by now. I haven't got any restriction and the doctor said he wanted to put .5cc in on the second fill. I am going to do my darndest to get him to do more. He said to be patient, this is a slow process because he doesn't do flouro and doesn't want to overfill me. I HAVE NO PATIENCE at the best of times. LOL

Anyway, that is my rant for today. I feel better getting that out. Thanks for listening all.

Hugs

Trudy

[Bowierocksme]

Hey Trudy,

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are down 18lbs and that is a fantastic achievement. Try putting 18 lbs. of butter in a bag and carry that around all day and you will see how significant that really is. Try really hard not to knock yourself, we need to be our own best friends in this endevour instead of beating ourselves up over and over again. I for one am tired of hating on myself. I have tasted enough food in my life and had all the treats and sweets that I could handle too. It is easy to fall back to that old friend "food". Get strong and get mad at that fat, that's what I am trying to do...I haven't lost as much as I thought I would have by now either but each day is a new day and we get to start our lives all over again and make new choices.

Hang in there Girl!!!

Cheers,

KIM

[julieburns]

Hey Trudy what bravery to come confess. Admitting it is the first step. I too struggled as you did until my 2nd fill last Friday. I had no restriction and fell into old eating habits. I think it is so important and way overlooked in the education of pre-banded patients how the weight loss works. Yes you lose on the pre-op diet. Yes you lose during the first 3 weeks, for goodness sakes your only on liquids. Some people even regain or stop losing once they start creamy soups or go back on real food. This is so normal. Any weight lost during the those weeks of near starvation are a great start. But then things slow down for alot of people. Not all mind you but certainly a good portion of us. It is not explained that you will have no restriction until your 2nd perhaps 3rd fill. You may have some transient what I call "teaser"restriction just when you come off the liquids and maybe a little after first fill. With the first fill many experience a delay in restriction if they are going to get it, perhaps 4-7 days and then you have some. We all get psyched up to lose alot of weight in the first 3 months and my experience and from what I have read alot of others really don't start to lose good weight untill later than we might hope for and truly want. It does not make us a failure. Having the band is what will make us winners in the long run. When we have restriction then we can truly use the tool to it's fullest potential and really lose the weight. Hang in there for this exciting time to come....it will.

Now about asking your doc to give you more of a fill. DON'T DO IT!!! Let the experience of a professional make the decisions here. Have you read my horror story of the 2nd fill. I didn't even solicit a "large" or generous fill they just put it in at the OCC. Within 24 hours I could keep almost nothing down. Occasional sips of water, only in the evening. Also only in the evening I could get down some gatorade but that was it. I woke up choking at night from my own spit backing up several times. I got weaker and weaker and more dehydrated. I was ready to buy a last minute ticket for $600 bucks to go back to the OCC. Had they just called me back after several messages left . I was very fortunate to fine someone an hour from home who would take "mexican" bandsters. She unfilled me, let me go eat and rehydrate, and then I went back and got refilled, .25 cc less than what was found in the band. I lost 10 pounds in 5 days. Not the way to lose weight. I was only able to eat liquids until yesterday (1 week total) and I missed 2 days from work and it has taken it's toll on my health. Bigger is not better and it can potentially be very dangerous and at the least miserable. I was told, especially with blind fills which is what I had for the unfil, that they must do smaller more frequent fills for your own health and safety. Period. Don't talk them into something you really don't want or know what may happen with too much Trudy it's not worth it. Patience is the key here and yes it sucks but it's for your own safety. Bands that are overfilled run the risk of also causing esophageal erosion if left in too long and then you have to have the band removed!! YOu don't want that now do you? Also chronically overeating will stretch out the esophagus causing much trouble as well.

Now I am not trying to scare you but just tell you my experience and what I know at this point about fills. Don't be hard on yourself for the overindulging. Just make today a new day, try to do better, drink more water and let the past go. You can do this but it might take longer than you had planned. I know it is for me.

[Kittycat]

Hi Trudy, like the others have said, you are being way too hard on yourself...you only 2 months out of surgery and 18 lbs is amazing!!

Everyone loses at different rates and circumstances play a huge role in how it works. Make sure you get yourself a good fill, it took me 5cc in my 9cc band to really kick my weight loss in to high gear.

I also use portion control, only eat the recommended foods and portions.

Clean the slate and start from today. You can do this. We are always harder on ourselves and get frustrated when things don't happen as quickly or the way we expected. Only you can do something about it...kick up the exercise, change your diet plan and think positive.

We are here to support you through the tough times and the good times...do not hesitate to ask for a shoulder or a hug!!

[karenlynn79]

Well I am about 9 weeks with the band. I lost 18 lbs and have stayed there since 4 weeks out of surgery. I have had 1 fill with 1cc and I am getting another in 1 1/2 weeks. However, I am so frusterated with not loosing weight that I have been eating tons of fast food and ice cream. Pretty much anything that I know will stay down. I am so freeking tired of sabotaging my own efforts, why do I do that???? I eat on the run a lot because of my job, and a burger is easier to eat while driving than a salad is....yes, I know I am trying to justify why I am doing what I am doing but the fact is...I AM DOING IT!!!!! I thought I would have been down at least 40 lbs by now. I haven't got any restriction and the doctor said he wanted to put .5cc in on the second fill. I am going to do my darndest to get him to do more. He said to be patient, this is a slow process because he doesn't do flouro and doesn't want to overfill me. I HAVE NO PATIENCE at the best of times. LOL

Anyway, that is my rant for today. I feel better getting that out. Thanks for listening all.

Hey Trudy,

Julie is right about not pushing for more fill. I was once too tight and had to fly down to SD/OCC because my local doc wouldn't unfill me (now I have a new person who would though). Just take this one step at a time! We've all been there. I just got back from Disneyland where I ate ice cream almost the whole time because I was nervous about PBing there. Once you have good restriction you'll start losing. Just hang in there until then and do the best you can! It's not a race. Set realistic goals for yourself so you feel good about every little milestone!

Karen

[JazzyJude]

Hi Trudy,

What everyone has said is true. Don't be hard on yourself. Look how long it took you to gain all this weight. Until you a mentally prepared and thinking positive, is when you will go forward from here. I am doing that just now as I will have my suregery this coming Thursday!!! I've been overweight for over 20 years and Iknow it is not good for me healthwise. So, I am planning a 'new me' with a healthier lifestyle...changes that I know that will benefit me in the long run. It's ok to indulge A LITTLE...but don't overdo. Julie also say to drink more water. This is a good thing. I warm up my water because my stomach thinks it's "soup"...and then I start to get full.

My son, daughter in law, her sister, and grandson all got banded over 2 months ago and they are doing great! Son lost 48, daughter in law lost 53, her sister, 43, and grandson lost 62! Because they still do the shakes for breakfast and lunch and do regular foods for dinner. They still cut up their foods real tiny and chew like crazy! LOL...well, I am going to try their way and see what happens.

Like Cathy says too, every person's body is different...you just need to stick with your restrictions, portion control, AND BE HAPPY! Negative feelings means gaining weight...BUT, Positive thoughts and motivations goes a real long way.

MOST IMPORTANT - READ THE POSTS on this forum. It is amazingly helpful and I am gaining soooo much tips for everyone here. Sorry to go on...but I know what you are feeling and I am hoping what we all said helps...

Enjoy your day Trudy!!

Jude

[tlag]

Trudy,

Be patient, you are doing fine. I did not lose any weight starting at week 4-9. I was so upset. I did lose alittle in inches though, so maybe that is the case for you also. Don't be so hard on yourself. Once you get a good fill and have restriction, things will go alittle better. I think I average about 6 to 6 1/2 pounds a month, which is not much, but that is how the band is suppose to work. Hang in there, things will get better.

[nothereanymore]

Here's my recommendation. I get your lifestyle on the run, its a pain to have a band when you live like this. But the truth is you could be doing long term damage to your band, and stretching out your pouch if you continue to eat like this, as well as putting your health in jeopardy if you cause yourself to slip or erosion.

Try to start your day with heavy protein shake in the am, it really helps to curve the cravings. Stock your car with food that you can eat as a bandster. When I'm traveling I always have beef jerky around - because its protein I can only eat a little and it takes so long to chew that it kicks my cravings. I’ll go to trader joes and get those good for me wheat crackers and some dried fruit and the veggies cut up. They fill you up and are good for you!

Try to stop the cycle Trudy, you worked so hard to get your band, just push yourself a little bit harder, you’ll be able to succeed, you know you can! Its hard to break those habits but its part of what we bandsters have to do to have long term success. Get on the bandster bus and get ready for that bikini next summer!!!

Best,

Lisa

[Jann]

Trudy, seriously quit beating yourself up so violently! You regressed and you know it clearly. Take a deep cleansing breath and start again. Try journaling it and see if you can source out what triggered you self sabotaging, the why goes deeper and requires a ton of introspection. Maybe you are a visual girl and that will help. Go back and read the guidelines and get back on track. Being on the run is a convenience lifestyle and you have to adapt band-living to that convenience as LisaL suggested but it's going to take some upfront work on your part. You are going to be okay, just jump out of this negative cycle and re-commit. You can do this, you know you can!

Jann

[GirlBarb]

Wow 18 pounds. I was about the same starting weight as you. I have strugled with platues and was very frustrated, I just got restriction three weeks ago. Hang in there, if you are like the rest of us, you want instant results, weight loss is a slow process and ove time you will get there. The beauty is you will learn over time and keep off the lost pounds.

I can't tell you enough how much it is worth the wait, to slip into those smaller clothes and go off meds and like the way you look. You are worth it, you know it, or you wouldn't have invested in this great tool "the band"

this is a great place to help keep you on track, you are not alone, look at all the great suport and sugestions that have come your way.

[mlgpdx]

Trudy

Hang in there, I swear it WILL get better. I am a little over 6 mos banded and I swear it takes that long to finally get restriction and figure out the workings of being banded. I am cut and pasting a post from a couple days ago where it was asked "how many cc's in your band".... please note that I only lost 14lbs between being banded 3/24 and my 2nd fill 6/6.. almost 11 weeks! I was like WTF?!?!? LOL it seemed like EVERYONE was losing but me! It wasn't until I got my 3rd fill and wrapped my head around portion control, making the right choices that I FINALLY started dropping some weight. I Swear it will happen.

Decision weight 290

banded 3/24/08 276

1st fill 5/12/08 @ OCC 1.8cc weight 262 14lbs lost between surgery & 1st fill

2nd fill 6/6/08 local/no fluro 2.5cc weight 262 0 pounds lost between 1st & 2nd fill

3rd fill 8/4/08 local/no fluro 2.9cc weight 251 11lbs lost between 2nd & 3rd fill 25lbs since being banded

Current weight 9/30/08 217lbs weight loss since 3rd fill = 34lbs for a total of 59lbs since being banded.

TOTAL weight loss including pre-op 73lbs.

It was not until my 3rd fill that I finally started dropping some weight. There were times I would read the forum and it seemed like everyone in the world was losing faster than me.. I, daily, had to remind myself that I did NOT get fat overnight so there is NO WAY I was gonna get thinner overnight. (sigh) slow and steady... slow and steady.. it's not a race. Eventually I will get to the finish line

[momonamission]

It is late and I did not read all the posts, so this might be a repeat. But hear it goes anyway. McDonald's....good choice is the fruit yougurt thing, and I get the grilled chicken wrap. I pull off some of the tortilla because I have a hard time with to much bread. It is hard and constant, I just try to make better choices and eat less. Good luck.

[Allcdngirl]

Trudy, I can really relate to what you're going through. I had a bit of a rough time with my family at the beginning of August and started eating the junk food again. I have been on and off since then. I am going for my 3rd fill hopefully on Oct 11th. I will have to give up Thanksgiving dinner (Oct 11th), but I can also have turkey dinner on Christmas day, so I'm not too worried about missing it. I've also been experiencing some "sliming" issues as well, because when I eat all this "yummy" bad food, it tastes so good, that I want to eat it really fast. Yah, no.. doesn't work too well. I started the liquid protein shake for breakfast like LisaL suggested but the afternoon, evening is difficult for me. Like the other's said... thank you for posting and sharing. We are all here for the same reason, and we will all succeed, and I'm sure everybody will have their off days, and that's okay.. nobody's perfect. > > Anita

[denisem]

Trudy

Hang in there, I swear it WILL get better. I am a little over 6 mos banded and I swear it takes that long to finally get restriction and figure out the workings of being banded. I am cut and pasting a post from a couple days ago where it was asked "how many cc's in your band".... please note that I only lost 14lbs between being banded 3/24 and my 2nd fill 6/6.. almost 11 weeks! I was like WTF?!?!? LOL it seemed like EVERYONE was losing but me! It wasn't until I got my 3rd fill and wrapped my head around portion control, making the right choices that I FINALLY started dropping some weight. I Swear it will happen.

Decision weight 290

banded 3/24/08 276

1st fill 5/12/08 @ OCC 1.8cc weight 262 14lbs lost between surgery & 1st fill

2nd fill 6/6/08 local/no fluro 2.5cc weight 262 0 pounds lost between 1st & 2nd fill

3rd fill 8/4/08 local/no fluro 2.9cc weight 251 11lbs lost between 2nd & 3rd fill 25lbs since being banded

Current weight 9/30/08 217lbs weight loss since 3rd fill = 34lbs for a total of 59lbs since being banded.

TOTAL weight loss including pre-op 73lbs.

It was not until my 3rd fill that I finally started dropping some weight. There were times I would read the forum and it seemed like everyone in the world was losing faster than me.. I, daily, had to remind myself that I did NOT get fat overnight so there is NO WAY I was gonna get thinner overnight. (sigh) slow and steady... slow and steady.. it's not a race. Eventually I will get to the finish line

Mindy and Trudy,

I was glad to see Mindy's post and that she really started losing weight after her 3rd fill. I've only lost 27 lbs since my surgery on 6/12/08, so you two aren't the only ones losing slowly. I am scheduled for my 3rd fill Wednesday of this week, so we'll see how it goes. After reading Julie's nightmare, I'm not going to be so demanding to get a large fill. I'll be happy with something conservative and go with it.

I admire you Trudy, for confessing your troubles of late and realizing you can change it at anytime. We are all learning how to eat again, and it's not easy breaking old habits.

I wish you all the best in your renewed start to weight loss again. I feel like I get a new start everytime I get a new fill!

Denise

[cckcsharp]

Hey Trudy what bravery to come confess. Admitting it is the first step. I too struggled as you did until my 2nd fill last Friday. I had no restriction and fell into old eating habits. I think it is so important and way overlooked in the education of pre-banded patients how the weight loss works. Yes you lose on the pre-op diet. Yes you lose during the first 3 weeks, for goodness sakes your only on liquids. Some people even regain or stop losing once they start creamy soups or go back on real food. This is so normal. Any weight lost during the those weeks of near starvation are a great start. But then things slow down for alot of people. Not all mind you but certainly a good portion of us. It is not explained that you will have no restriction until your 2nd perhaps 3rd fill. You may have some transient what I call "teaser"restriction just when you come off the liquids and maybe a little after first fill. With the first fill many experience a delay in restriction if they are going to get it, perhaps 4-7 days and then you have some. We all get psyched up to lose alot of weight in the first 3 months and my experience and from what I have read alot of others really don't start to lose good weight untill later than we might hope for and truly want. It does not make us a failure. Having the band is what will make us winners in the long run. When we have restriction then we can truly use the tool to it's fullest potential and really lose the weight. Hang in there for this exciting time to come....it will.

Now about asking your doc to give you more of a fill. DON'T DO IT!!! Let the experience of a professional make the decisions here. Have you read my horror story of the 2nd fill. I didn't even solicit a "large" or generous fill they just put it in at the OCC. Within 24 hours I could keep almost nothing down. Occasional sips of water, only in the evening. Also only in the evening I could get down some gatorade but that was it. I woke up choking at night from my own spit backing up several times. I got weaker and weaker and more dehydrated. I was ready to buy a last minute ticket for $600 bucks to go back to the OCC. Had they just called me back after several messages left . I was very fortunate to fine someone an hour from home who would take "mexican" bandsters. She unfilled me, let me go eat and rehydrate, and then I went back and got refilled, .25 cc less than what was found in the band. I lost 10 pounds in 5 days. Not the way to lose weight. I was only able to eat liquids until yesterday (1 week total) and I missed 2 days from work and it has taken it's toll on my health. Bigger is not better and it can potentially be very dangerous and at the least miserable. I was told, especially with blind fills which is what I had for the unfil, that they must do smaller more frequent fills for your own health and safety. Period. Don't talk them into something you really don't want or know what may happen with too much Trudy it's not worth it. Patience is the key here and yes it sucks but it's for your own safety. Bands that are overfilled run the risk of also causing esophageal erosion if left in too long and then you have to have the band removed!! YOu don't want that now do you? Also chronically overeating will stretch out the esophagus causing much trouble as well.

Now I am not trying to scare you but just tell you my experience and what I know at this point about fills. Don't be hard on yourself for the overindulging. Just make today a new day, try to do better, drink more water and let the past go. You can do this but it might take longer than you had planned. I know it is for me.

Julie, thanks so much for explaining it in this way. Makes such perfect sense to me now. I too am in that phase where I am waiting for the first fill and struggle to eat right while I wait. The weight loss has slowed for me as well. But reading your post helped me understand and feel some comfort about the situation. Thanks a bunch

[vix]

Remember Trudy that it took such a long time to put our weight on....if it "flew off" of us, it surely wouldn't stay off or our skin would sag more. I too am a slow loser (for various reasons) and am getting my first fill next week. It is something I am looking forward to, but I do need to remember that the band is not magic and it's just a tool for us in our weight loss journey. I know for a fact that I would not be able to look myself in the mirror when I got up in the morning if I had spent all this money on this band and then went back to my old eating habits. Just because we CAN eat anything we want doesn't mean we should. I think each of us must have a reason inside that will make us "guilt ourselves" into not eating poorly anymore. Mine is the money I spent. Yours will most likely be something else. But sit down and maybe write down what it is that will help you and then put it on your refrigerator or even mirror. I absolutely LOVE hamburgers and seriously could live on them. I could eat them every day for the rest of my life. But, because I know this is a serious issue for me, I have not allowed myself to even eat one of them since my surgery and once you begin to deny yourself of something you love, it gets easier and easier.

I hope you don't think I am lecturing you...just trying to give you some other ideas to think about. Best of luck to you...

[Tara2sassy4u]

Im really glad I continue to read the forum- they do really help me feel normal. I stopped loosign 1 week after sugery, its so frustrating and makes it easy to fall into old ways. I just started solid foods and trying to get all my stuff eaten written done on daily plate, but its hard. I am eating half of what I use to eat, but still not seeing anything on the scale.

So I am determine to figure out why. This week promise myself to drink at least 6 8 oz a water a day and walk 30 minutes. Do just that.... then next week I will add something else to my routine...

Rules are Dont BEAT yourself up, Remain positive, and start a one new good habit a week! Hope that helps!!!!!

Cheers!

Tara

[teyann]

Everyone is right. No point in beating yourself up as than you will want to turn to food even more as a comfort. Vicous cycle.

I find that writing everything down that I eat helps. It makes me accountable. Also if you have someone to weigh in with once a week. That helps me too!

Chin up- You can do this!!!

[HopefulFuture]

Trudy, One thing that worked really well for me was metamucil pills. I used it for my pre-op diet and it curbed my hungry greatly!!!! I took one at 10am and one at 3pm. The fiber is great for you and it filld you up. If you even take then about a half hour before you eat you will not eat as much. Try it. It might work. Good Luck

[Tadpole]

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! I am sitting here in tears. Thank you so much for caring about me. What would I do without all of you. You mean more to me that I could ever say. Your encouragement has given me the strength to keep up the "battle of the bulge" Today is a new day and my goal is to get my water in and to be happy with me. Today I will not eat because I am bored, I will do something for me, like a walk.

Yesterday my brother came over for dinner and he mentioned that he could tell that I have lost weight because my face is thinner and my stomach isn't hanging like it was. LOL, dumb thing to say but it did come from the heart. My brothers, well whole family really, has always said mean things about "fat" people and I hear those words play over and over in my head now that I am that "fat" person. Ok Ok enough negative talk. I will go off on a rant if I don't stop now.... LOL

Have a wonderful day my friends

Trudy

[Jann]

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! I am sitting here in tears. Thank you so much for caring about me. What would I do without all of you. You mean more to me that I could ever say. Your encouragement has given me the strength to keep up the "battle of the bulge" Today is a new day and my goal is to get my water in and to be happy with me. Today I will not eat because I am bored, I will do something for me, like a walk.

Yesterday my brother came over for dinner and he mentioned that he could tell that I have lost weight because my face is thinner and my stomach isn't hanging like it was. LOL, dumb thing to say but it did come from the heart. My brothers, well whole family really, has always said mean things about "fat" people and I hear those words play over and over in my head now that I am that "fat" person. Ok Ok enough negative talk. I will go off on a rant if I don't stop now.... LOL

Have a wonderful day my friends

Trudy

Trudy, I totally love your goal for today. It's a pretty powerful one and good for you! YAY! Brothers -- can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. hehe -- they are what they are God Bless 'em!

Hugs!

Jann