I need your prayers...please

[Guest CaraMBA09]

Let me speak to you as one who has walked in your shoes. Twice.

Your husband has a serious illness, and you are a contributing part of that illness. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean you don't love him. I know you must love him very much to be willing to work on the marriage after his betrayal.

You have to love him enough to let him live his own life and let him go with love in your heart. He has made his choice right now. Two important things to learn and take to heart; the only one you can change is YOU and people treat you the way you let them treat you.

Make a list of the conditions by which you will let him back into your life - and there will come a time when he will realize his mistakes. At your next session with the counselor, make this list very clear to him, but be careful. You have to be able to stick to your guns.

Make up your mind to get on with your life. You HAVE to do this. Then get on with your life, a life that doesn't include him. When he is ready, he will contact you, and hopefully you will make him PROVE that he is worthy of you.

If this happens before you have found love again, good for both of you. If it happens after you have found new love, too bad for him. This is what happened to me and my Husband. By the time he had come to his senses, I no longer wanted or needed him. I still cared for him, but I didn't love him any more.

The second time (the guy and I weren't married but we were living together) it took over a year before he reached out to me. I honestly thought he would kill himself when I threw him out of the house, but he picked himself right back up and found somewhere to live and got a job.

By the time he contacted me my head had cleared. I realized that for my own self respect I can never be involved with an alcoholic or anyone who is addicted. We are now friends, but he is still drinking and using drugs. I've set limits on our friendship, like no "drunk phone calls". I hung up on him the first time and he's never done it again.

Sorry about the rambling! Hugs to you and lots of prayers.

jena

Jena, Jena, Jena...Where in the H were you when I needed you back in 1995? LOL

True and wonderful wisdom, gosh, I read it twice. I felt empowered. Thank you for sharing the strenth of your words.

oodles doll

Cara

[jena]

HEY, where have you been girl, I missed you!!!!

Hi Mona,

I've been reading here, but not posting much. I've missed all of you too!

I'm so surprised that so many of us have had similar experiences. When going through it, it seems so hard, but when you are on the other side you've really grown as a person. Women have an amazing inner strength don't we?

Jena