Relationships

[srbailey87]

Hello everyone!

I have had my band for a year now and have lost 100 pounds. I look so different and so much more healthy. But now I am starting to think about "silly" things and I just need some perspective from somebody out there, anyone that might be able to ease my worries. I am young, 21 years old, and I have been dating just like I did before my surgery. Nothing has changed accept me, but I just got to thinking about when I have to tell my boyfriend that I have had lap band surgery. See now I am kind of ashamed that I had to get the surgery to lose the weight and it makes me really self conscious. What will he think when I tell him? Will he think I was such a porker? That I took the easy way out? And there are those scars too! I know to most this may be silly, but it what I worry about. Any advice?

[stormy]

That should not be a factor if you find someone who really cares about you. You did not take the easy way out. This is hard and sometimes painful. I would not be ashamed of this at all. You took the steps you needed to in order to get healthy. It was an important and incredible step that you took. I had a woman tell me today that it took me real gutts to go do what I did. That was the first time I felt like this person even respected me. She is right. You need to look at the big picture and be proud of what you have done. You took control of your life and made a decision that alot of people are afraid to do and for that you should be respected and admired. If a person you start dating really cares for you, there should be no issue at all. They should really think you are an incredible person. Because you are!

[Kittycat]

First of all you should be extremely proud of yourself, you lost 100lbs!! That's an amazing accomplishment!!

You need to gain self-confidence and say the hell with everyone else my dear!! You did what you need to do to get healthy and if he accepts it, great, if not don't let it get you down. If you know this person well, you should be able to figure out how they would take this kind of news...if you think he will be negative about it, don't tell him.

I have told very few people..only those who I felt and sensed would be receptive to my decision and be my biggest cheerleaders...those who didn't fit that bill, don't know.

Only you can decide what the best thing to do is....drop hints and see how he reacts, maybe you'll get your answer.

Take care and good luck!!!

[Clynn]

If a guy is into you, he really won't care what's wrong with you. The corollary of that is that if he does care, then he really wasn't into you and it's good to know these things early rather than when you're too heavily invested in the relationship.

I've told lots and lots of people about my surgery and the only time anyone suggested I'd done something wrong was before the weight came off. After the results were tangible the response has always been overwhelmingly positive.

[irie1LV]

I am so happy hun for your weight loss!! Congrats!! As for what anyone ever thinks about you it should not matter, it has be about you!! You have so much to be proud of yourself for! I will be having my surgery 11/14 and can not wait to speak on my progress. I want to one day say I have done it like you!

Take care

[Taz]

Hello everyone!

I have had my band for a year now and have lost 100 pounds. I look so different and so much more healthy. But now I am starting to think about "silly" things and I just need some perspective from somebody out there, anyone that might be able to ease my worries. I am young, 21 years old, and I have been dating just like I did before my surgery. Nothing has changed accept me, but I just got to thinking about when I have to tell my boyfriend that I have had lap band surgery. See now I am kind of ashamed that I had to get the surgery to lose the weight and it makes me really self conscious. What will he think when I tell him? Will he think I was such a porker? That I took the easy way out? And there are those scars too! I know to most this may be silly, but it what I worry about. Any advice?

First off... don't you DARE be ashamed of taking care of yourself!!! 100 lb loss is an amazing accomplish, and you should be proud of the healthier, hotter you.

If you ever feel that the person in your life would change their opinion of you in a negative way by your decision... quite frankly they are not the right person for you. Let's get real... life is to short to be fretting about people that won't be supportive of your life altering decisions.

Of course, I don't know anywhere where it is written that you even need to tell them during the courting phase. A person you are going to spend the rest of your life with isn't going to negatively care about your band. They will probably be supportive. They are reaping the benefits... so to speak.

I sense a small lack of confidence in WHO you have become. Who you ARE. Before worrying about your relationships with others.... you might want to work on your relationship with yourself. YOU come first when it comes to your health. Anyone that wants to sabatoge that has no right to be in your life.

I hope you find that confidence... and the significant other you deserve.

Taz

[srbailey87]

Thank you all very much! I needed to absolutely hear ALL of that! I do need to work on the relationship with myself and build more confidence. Good luck to all of you! And thanks again!

[Kittycat]

First off... don't you DARE be ashamed of taking care of yourself!!! 100 lb loss is an amazing accomplish, and you should be proud of the healthier, hotter you.

If you ever feel that the person in your life would change their opinion of you in a negative way by your decision... quite frankly they are not the right person for you. Let's get real... life is to short to be fretting about people that won't be supportive of your life altering decisions.

Of course, I don't know anywhere where it is written that you even need to tell them during the courting phase. A person you are going to spend the rest of your life with isn't going to negatively care about your band. They will probably be supportive. They are reaping the benefits... so to speak.

I sense a small lack of confidence in WHO you have become. Who you ARE. Before worrying about your relationships with others.... you might want to work on your relationship with yourself. YOU come first when it comes to your health. Anyone that wants to sabatoge that has no right to be in your life.

I hope you find that confidence... and the significant other you deserve.

Taz

Great post Taz, you hit it right on the mark!!!

[Guest erinmohr]

Hello everyone!

I have had my band for a year now and have lost 100 pounds. I look so different and so much more healthy. But now I am starting to think about "silly" things and I just need some perspective from somebody out there, anyone that might be able to ease my worries. I am young, 21 years old, and I have been dating just like I did before my surgery. Nothing has changed accept me, but I just got to thinking about when I have to tell my boyfriend that I have had lap band surgery. See now I am kind of ashamed that I had to get the surgery to lose the weight and it makes me really self conscious. What will he think when I tell him? Will he think I was such a porker? That I took the easy way out? And there are those scars too! I know to most this may be silly, but it what I worry about. Any advice?

If it makes you feel better, I have the same concerns and i am only 18 days post op. The few people i have told have been very supportive and proud of me and consider me brave, but I am still somewhat ashamed which i think it due to the not so great reaction of my best friend about the whole thing... I didn't tell my love interest (we live in different countries) about the surgery until about a week before i left, but found that all he cares about is that i get better and he is worried about ME and nothing else. I find i always expect the worse but rarely that is the case, this is something we did for ourselves to improve our lives - how can anyone have a issue with that?

[taras2girls]

Thank you very much for the post. I want to commend your weight loss. That is incredible!!

I am 30 years older than you and I am currently single. and I too have self confidence issues.

It doesn't change with age.

And I have had the same thoughts about telling people about my surgery. Hopefully I will begin

dating soon, and I will be able to tell "who foots the bill" as Kittycat put it.

Good luck to you. And good work!

Tara

[jhawkchick75]

Ditto to what everyone else has said. If anyone has an issue with it, then they should not be either my friend or my boyfriend. You would hope everyone's partners would appreciate that they are trying to get healthy and live an active life. If not, at least for me I don't have time for them in my life.

My issue I know i'll have to deal with (because i've done it before) is when I do lose the weight questioning if they would have dated me when I was larger. I tend to sabatoge any men who hit on me b/c I assume they wouldn't have been interested when I was bigger. I say that because I rarely get hit on when i'm bigger, but I think a lot of that is just plain old confidence and how you present yourself and put yourself out there. When we are bigger we tend not to do that. Especially with skinny tramp friends like mine! Just kidding!

Have a good weekend all! I'm off to help one of my best friends shop for wedding dresses in another city. All the bridesmaids will be there so it will be a blast. She's been super helpful, looking at menus and finding places to eat where they have soup so i'm taken care of. Her wedding is in May, so i'm struggling over when to buy my bridesmaids dress and what size. Good problem to have huh!

Have a great weekend!!

[lovinlifedfw]

Srbailey... I too am only 21... I have been dating a guy for almost a year... I was only talking to my mom about getting the surgery done when i finally got financed and the whole 9 yards... I had to come to terms and HAD to tell him... If this guy cares about you and likes you for who you are, there should be no reason to tell him, I would be estatic to say that I had lost 100 pounds... *** WAY TO GO *** But what I am trying to say is that you took care of your self and are a whole lot healthier by any standards... He shouldnt care how much you weighed, or weigh now... as long as you are healthy thats all that matters, I was so scared to tell my boyfriend, that I almost didnt have the surgery til I actually sat down with him and told him that I was going to help myself to a better lifestyle, and get this surgery... he was behind me 100% and still is... We got engaged one week before my surgery... So if you feel like this is the right thing to do, tell him... If not wait a while... And one more thing Congrats on losing 100 pounds

[Trav]

Now for a guy's perspective.

I'm not speaking for myself, just guys in general.

1. 99% of all guys are visual.

2. of those, most are also very tactile.

3. A large percentage of both groups are also very unrealistic.

4. Almost all of those are more concerned about the here and now, instead of what was, or will be.

That being said, so are a lot of women.

In either case, some don't understand. "Why can't you just not eat as much"...it's not that simple. You get things under control, then something happens, stress, depression, what have you...or it's something physical (like you stretched your stomach out early in life, or have adhesions in your abdominal cavity)...whatever the reason...there's a reason. There was an article in the latest People magazine about young athletes who bulked up in high school, and it affected them later in life....I would fall in that category and I played TWO sports at the same time...so I got a double dose.

Ignorant people will probably give you a cold shoulder about it. I'm lucky, my family, friends, and coworkers have been very supportive about it. "Oh you got a surgery? You're a weak individual"...it takes more strength to admit you need help, imo.

Hell I'm 36, and I've been single most of my adult life, with an occasional girlfriend here and there, but never lasting more than a year or two at most. I'm not so much worried about what they'll think, but whether I can even find someone this late in life, who has the same ideals as to what a relationship should be. Let alone someone who isn't jaded and bitter, and bring a lot of extra baggage to the relationship....it just doesn't happen much past 30.....sometimes I think I'd be better off going to Russia, Ukraine, or somewhere where the ratio of men to women is vastly in the men's favor and trying to find someone...because the first time I hear, "All you mean are *ssholes" I hang up the phone and I rarely call back, because I don't need that kind of negativity. I want a happy, and loving home, not a "partner" who's still bitter about how she was treated by other men, so I get to be punished for other people's crimes.....been there, done that. No thanks.

[mlgpdx]

Now for a guy's perspective.

I'm not speaking for myself, just guys in general.

1. 99% of all guys are visual.

2. of those, most are also very tactile.

3. A large percentage of both groups are also very unrealistic.

4. Almost all of those are more concerned about the here and now, instead of what was, or will be.

That being said, so are a lot of women.

In either case, some don't understand. "Why can't you just not eat as much"...it's not that simple. You get things under control, then something happens, stress, depression, what have you...or it's something physical (like you stretched your stomach out early in life, or have adhesions in your abdominal cavity)...whatever the reason...there's a reason. There was an article in the latest People magazine about young athletes who bulked up in high school, and it affected them later in life....I would fall in that category and I played TWO sports at the same time...so I got a double dose.

Ignorant people will probably give you a cold shoulder about it. I'm lucky, my family, friends, and coworkers have been very supportive about it. "Oh you got a surgery? You're a weak individual"...it takes more strength to admit you need help, imo.

Hell I'm 36, and I've been single most of my adult life, with an occasional girlfriend here and there, but never lasting more than a year or two at most. I'm not so much worried about what they'll think, but whether I can even find someone this late in life, who has the same ideals as to what a relationship should be. Let alone someone who isn't jaded and bitter, and bring a lot of extra baggage to the relationship....it just doesn't happen much past 30.....sometimes I think I'd be better off going to Russia, Ukraine, or somewhere where the ratio of men to women is vastly in the men's favor and trying to find someone...because the first time I hear, "All you mean are *ssholes" I hang up the phone and I rarely call back, because I don't need that kind of negativity. I want a happy, and loving home, not a "partner" who's still bitter about how she was treated by other men, so I get to be punished for other people's crimes.....been there, done that. No thanks.

wow, nice post Trave, Wanna date?? :wink2:

[Jann]

wow, nice post Trave, Wanna date?? :wink2:

Bahahaha, I so loved that! I'm still laughing!

Thanks,

Jann

[Trav]

wow, nice post Trave, Wanna date?? :wink2:

wouldn't your boyfriend get mad? lol

[mlgpdx]

wouldn't your boyfriend get mad? lol

shhh.. we'll make it a secret online romance :air_kiss:

[Taz]

shhh.. we'll make it a secret online romance :air_kiss:

Good secret. Shall I bring the digital video camera? May as well make some money if you are going to do that. That's all the Internet is about anyways... online dating and porn.

Not.

Taz