Telling VS Not Tellin

[SherryNFL1]

Good Afternoon all,

I had a experience last night that I want to share. I was on speaker phone with a friend long distance to another friend that does not yet know about my lap band because i have not spoken with her when during the middle of the conversation she says, 'arn't you going to tell her about the band?' I said, no, I would tell her when I was ready for her to know. BEFORE my surgery, which was Oct 2nd I thought that i wouldnt tell anyone..feeling kind of like a failure for NOT being able to drop this weight on my own when I am such a strong, independent woman in all other aspects of my life, but as the surgery came closer I thought to myself, how ridiculous that I do not share this with others..thinking it would just be harder to keep such a secret. So, as time drew closer to my surgery..i began to tell people....people I work with, friends, etc. No, not EVERYONE knows, and in MY time maybe they will, but have any of you delt with this before? I was pretty pissed off at my girlfriend for just blurting this out because I feel it is a personal decision as has to come from ME and no one else....anyway, I'm happy that I have shared this experience with the people that do know and as time goes by and the weight starts coming off i'm sure that i'll be more willing to share more liberately. Sherry

[Clynn]

Good Afternoon all,

I had a experience last night that I want to share. I was on speaker phone with a friend long distance to another friend that does not yet know about my lap band because i have not spoken with her when during the middle of the conversation she says, 'arn't you going to tell her about the band?' I said, no, I would tell her when I was ready for her to know. BEFORE my surgery, which was Oct 2nd I thought that i wouldnt tell anyone..feeling kind of like a failure for NOT being able to drop this weight on my own when I am such a strong, independent woman in all other aspects of my life, but as the surgery came closer I thought to myself, how ridiculous that I do not share this with others..thinking it would just be harder to keep such a secret. So, as time drew closer to my surgery..i began to tell people....people I work with, friends, etc. No, not EVERYONE knows, and in MY time maybe they will, but have any of you delt with this before? I was pretty pissed off at my girlfriend for just blurting this out because I feel it is a personal decision as has to come from ME and no one else....anyway, I'm happy that I have shared this experience with the people that do know and as time goes by and the weight starts coming off i'm sure that i'll be more willing to share more liberately. Sherry

It was rather thoughtless for your friend to to blurt that out over a conference call since that puts you in a difficult position of having to either tell before you're ready or look like you're cutting someone you care about out of the loop, but it sounds like you handled it well.

I guess the decision of whether or not to tell people stems from out feelings about the band. I looked at the suregry as me stepping up and taking drastic action to get control over a personal demon rather than an admission of defeat or taking the easy way out as I've heard it referred to in the media. Because of that I told just about everyone in my life. Their support has certainly made this journey easier for me and I think you're going to find as you start telling more people you'll benefit greatly from their positive support.

[PAMMIE]

It was rather thoughtless for your friend to to blurt that out over a conference call since that puts you in a difficult position of having to either tell before you're ready or look like you're cutting someone you care about out of the loop, but it sounds like you handled it well.

I guess the decision of whether or not to tell people stems from out feelings about the band. I looked at the suregry as me stepping up and taking drastic action to get control over a personal demon rather than an admission of defeat or taking the easy way out as I've heard it referred to in the media. Because of that I told just about everyone in my life. Their support has certainly made this journey easier for me and I think you're going to find as you start telling more people you'll benefit greatly from their positive support.

I'VE TOLD A FEW HERE AND THERE AND A FEW HAVE SAID "HEY, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT DOING THAT ALSO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE"

I WAS AT A FAMILY PARTY 3 WEEKS AGO. MY "MOTHER" YELLED FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, "HEY PAM, HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST" HALF THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT MY SURGERY BEING THERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FAMILY. SO I JUST YELLED BACK, "WHY, HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST THIS SUMMER" I WAS SOOOOOOOO MAD AT HER. OF COURSE SHE DIDN'T REPLY

WHAT GETS ME I GUESS, IT'S PERSONAL. A CHOSE I MADE. NOT HER. IF I WANTED PEOPLE TO KNOW, I'D TELL THEM. AND BESIDES, AT THE TIME SHE'D ASKED ME, I HADN'T GONE IN FOR A FILL YET. IF SHE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE BAND SHE'D REALIZE THE FIRST 6 WEEKS IS ABOUT HEALING, NOT LOSING WEIGHT. GRRRRRRR

[mommyrkr]

I chose to tell some people before, family and a few friends. I am glad I did. My aunt actually will be having surgery in a week and half because I told her about it. My uncle is strongly considering it. No one in my family had every heard of the lap band. So I am very glad I told them.

I have asked them not to say anything though. I do not like secrets, they have a way of getting out and embarassing you. So I will not keep this a secret. I have 115 pounds to lose. So chances are that somewhere along the way, many people will ask what I have done to lose the weight. At that point I will tell them, I am exercising, eating healthier, and using the band to help me eat smaller portions. The band is really only part of the solution, what I do with it is the rest. I don't want it to be a secret, but I don't want to tell people in the first few months. I will just wait until they ask.

I am very luck to have very supportive and discreet family members (at least so far). Of course I think it helps that some of them are thinking of surgery, and are cautions who they would want to know about it.

Good luck, and I'm sorry about your phone conversation.

Becki

[Kristi Ann]

I read something on here that I think I will use when explaining my weight loss... Someone on here said that when people (co-workers, for example) ask her about her weight loss she replies, "I'm eating much smaller portions and exercising"-- which is not at all a lie. I've decided to do this-- and not to tell co-workers, and even some friends, because I don't want the pressure, especially if I lose slowly (which is fairly common for lower end BMI patients, from what I have read). I have co-workers that have had bariatric procedures and, unfortunately, I have witnessed the "chatters", people talking about it behind their backs. Not sure why there is all the negativity because I see this as a positive thing! (Maybe they are just jealous? ) Of course it is nice to have some close friends/family know all your business, because we ALL need some support... As far as telling everyone, I'm keeping my surgery business mostly to myself.

My surgery date, I mean "vacation" (haha), is scheduled for one month from today!

[Chelley]

I really wish I hadn't told everyone about my decision to have the lapband... but at the time I was seeking validation from my fellow medical staff co-workers about having surgery in Mexico. I was excited and thought 'why keep a secret.. soon everyone will see the new slim, trim me' ....... WRONG. A few weeks after surgery I got positive comments about my weight loss and then had a co-worker pipe in something along the line that I cheated because I had weight loss surgery! Then as a few months went by and weight loss came to a screeching halt and I actually began to yo-yo with my weight again I got asked why I wasn't loosing any weight and if I regreted having the band .... well as if that wasn't bad enough my co-workers became the diet police, monitoring every morsel that went into my mouth. "You can eat that? My cousin had gastric bypass and she can't eat that!" Some days I just wanted someone to shoot me! Now that six months have passed people realize that I'm a failure at this I get these pitty looks... and I've literally stopped talking about it. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I'd kept my big trap shut and just kept this to myself until I saw what kind of outcome I'd have. Getting the band is the easy part, altering your life-style is the hard part after surgery and you certainly don't need comments of sabotage aimed at you .............. so my advice is tell only those who need to know and afterwards if you want to share your success story do so without any pressure.

Chelley

[mmkmom]

I have only told 6 people about my surgery. Surgery is personal and confidential. I can totally relate to the story of someone yelling out in a crowd about how much weight you've lost. I can't stand that and won't put myself under the microscope by telling everyone about my surgery. I like the idea of saying "I eat smaller portions and exercise" when someone asks about my weight loss.