Married life and the lap band

[Smiles]

Okay, I am sure many of you are married or in relationships and reading things on line I read a lot of things resulting in marriages ending after WLS. Has anyone faced issues in there personal life? My husband and I have been together 4 years (2 years marriage in Feb) and I have been the same weight since we met.... yes I have had my share of yo-yo diets up and down..... And he constantly tells me he loves me for me but yes is concern about my health. The decision to get the lap band done was made by both of us but lately I feel like his mind has changed. Even made the comment to me tonight that I am "taking the easy way out" to me not only was it hurtful but devastating to here him say that. Needless to say it turned into a big fight... I was not always over weight but when I got pregnant I gained it and never lost it....and I try to explain that until you are overwieght you have no idea what it is like or how it feels and how hard it can be to get it off even with diet and excersice. He left for a hotel..... he has never done that before... I was heart broken to hear such cruel words come out of his mouth... I wasn't doing this surgery to be skinny... I was doing it to save my life and now I feel like what I read is true... and that this decision will ruin my marriage. But I also know that I have a wonderful son who needs a mother and this is something I need to do for myself not anyone else.

So I am just curious to know if anyone else has had relationship issues before or after surgery that can give me some insight on it all!

Thanks

[BandDiva]

Kelly,

I am so sorry that you are in pain. You definitely do not derseve that. I have not had any problems, but I do worry that something like this could happen. My husband and I were friends for 12 years first (married for 3) and the only way he has known me is overweight. Of course, now heavier than ever. I love him with all my heart and the thought of losing him crushes me. I hope he continues to support my weight loss.

I hope your husband sees more clearly today, keep us updated.

[Smiles]

Okay, I am sure many of you are married or in relationships and reading things on line I read a lot of things resulting in marriages ending after WLS. Has anyone faced issues in there personal life? My husband and I have been together 4 years (2 years marriage in Feb) and I have been the same weight since we met.... yes I have had my share of yo-yo diets up and down..... And he constantly tells me he loves me for me but yes is concern about my health. The decision to get the lap band done was made by both of us but lately I feel like his mind has changed. Even made the comment to me tonight that I am "taking the easy way out" to me not only was it hurtful but devastating to here him say that. Needless to say it turned into a big fight... I was not always over weight but when I got pregnant I gained it and never lost it....and I try to explain that until you are overwieght you have no idea what it is like or how it feels and how hard it can be to get it off even with diet and excersice. He left for a hotel..... he has never done that before... I was heart broken to hear such cruel words come out of his mouth... I wasn't doing this surgery to be skinny... I was doing it to save my life and now I feel like what I read is true... and that this decision will ruin my marriage. But I also know that I have a wonderful son who needs a mother and this is something I need to do for myself not anyone else.

So I am just curious to know if anyone else has had relationship issues before or after surgery that can give me some insight on it all!

Thanks

Thanks for the note..... Well I should be at work but since he didn't come home to watch our son I had to call in sick. I was overwieght when we met, maybe it is the fear that I might get skinny and leave him... I am not sure what it is but I have read it happens a lot after WLS i think the estimate was around 25% which I think is pretty high.

Thanks for the support : )

[NikifromSeattle]

I too am sorry that this is happening to you. Remember you did this for you and so that your son will have a healthy mommy!

I too have had issues about weight with my husband. He thinks I had my band to save our marriage, boy was he wrong. Since I met him 11 years ago I have gained and lost the same 50 pounds over and over again. I finally decided to have the band so that I would have a tool to help me keep it off or at least make it physically harder to put the weight back on. My challenge is to not self medicate with food when he is not being the husband that he should. This time it is for me. A year and a half ago I lost 60 pounds and looked beautiful, it took me over a year to do it with LA weight loss and boy was it miserable. When I lost the weight the last time, it did not change anything between us or help our marriage as he claimed it would. So over the last year I put it all back on, self medicating again.

Before I went to Mexico just 2 weeks ago, he said to me that it was all me, pointing out body parts of mine that he did not like, this is the reason that our marriage was not what it should be. I called him on it and told him that when I lost all the weight the last time it didn't change a thing. His response to me was "When did you lose all that weight." He didn't even notice.

So he thinks I had it done to save our marriage. Really, I did it for myself and my daughter. I want to be around for her! I do not want to end up with diabetes, I want to lower my cholesterol and be able to keep up with her. I want her to be proud of me when she brings her little friends over. I want to be there when she gets married and has a child of her own.

Hang in there. You are absolutely right, anyone that has not had a significant weight problem for a long period of time has no idea what we have gone through. They obviously have never had to do a 3 week liquid diet before!!!!

[mona-camille]

I too am sorry that this is happening to you. Remember you did this for you and so that your son will have a healthy mommy!

I too have had issues about weight with my husband. He thinks I had my band to save our marriage, boy was he wrong. Since I met him 11 years ago I have gained and lost the same 50 pounds over and over again. I finally decided to have the band so that I would have a tool to help me keep it off or at least make it physically harder to put the weight back on. My challenge is to not self medicate with food when he is not being the husband that he should. This time it is for me. A year and a half ago I lost 60 pounds and looked beautiful, it took me over a year to do it with LA weight loss and boy was it miserable. When I lost the weight the last time, it did not change anything between us or help our marriage as he claimed it would. So over the last year I put it all back on, self medicating again.

Before I went to Mexico just 2 weeks ago, he said to me that it was all me, pointing out body parts of mine that he did not like, this is the reason that our marriage was not what it should be. I called him on it and told him that when I lost all the weight the last time it didn't change a thing. His response to me was "When did you lose all that weight." He didn't even notice.

So he thinks I had it done to save our marriage. Really, I did it for myself and my daughter. I want to be around for her! I do not want to end up with diabetes, I want to lower my cholesterol and be able to keep up with her. I want her to be proud of me when she brings her little friends over. I want to be there when she gets married and has a child of her own.

Hang in there. You are absolutely right, anyone that has not had a significant weight problem for a long period of time has no idea what we have gone through. They obviously have never had to do a 3 week liquid diet before!!!!

Oh My God, I feel so sorry for you! He actually blames marital problems on your body parts? I'm sorry but I'd drop him like a hot potato. I can't even fathom how you could put up with that. He needs some serious mental health help and I truly hope you know that and don't believe a word he says! WOW, sorry to be so blunt, but I just can't comprehend him even saying that! And, I hope you pointed out all the body parts of his YOU didn't like.

[ValleyGirl]

My husband was dead-set against the surgery and refused to use "family money" for it so it took me three years and a second part-time job to save my own money and I just had it in December. He wrote to me the day of surgery (it's posted on here somewhere) that he has never been more proud of me for going after what I wanted and getting it- even without his support. I think he was just really, really scared that something could happen to me and that he and the kids would lose me. That and I tend to be impulsive and have a history of spending money foolishly!

I'm starting to see a new-found respect from him every day and my weight loss is helping my marriage not because I'm getting smaller and look better (he could care less...he also didn't notice the last time I lost 50 pounds and it drove me nuts but he also didn't notice when I gained it back which was a relief, lol!) but the reason it is getting better is I feel better about myself. I'm not depressed, I'm not miserable, I'm just a nicer person to be around. It's funny, but when I lead the way in this marriage and I'm kind and loving to him, he reciprocates two-fold.

That said, my husband is a generally decent man who would never make comments about body parts despite being the bluntest person I know. He takes responsibilty for his part when things break down and after 12 years together, there have been lots of "break-downs" (including a night at a hotel). I used to think about leaving and I think if I still wanted to (which I don't) losing a bunch of weight would probably give me the confidence to do so. However, it's also sparked this new inward journey I am on- a journey that has brought me to the decision that this IS where I want to be. Without food to stuff away your feelings, you will start being able to be more honest with yourself and only then will you know if you should stay or you should go. We're here for you either way.

[tnm75]

My husband was dead-set against the surgery and refused to use "family money" for it so it took me three years and a second part-time job to save my own money and I just had it in December. He wrote to me the day of surgery (it's posted on here somewhere) that he has never been more proud of me for going after what I wanted and getting it- even without his support. I think he was just really, really scared that something could happen to me and that he and the kids would lose me. That and I tend to be impulsive and have a history of spending money foolishly!

I'm starting to see a new-found respect from him every day and my weight loss is helping my marriage not because I'm getting smaller and look better (he could care less...he also didn't notice the last time I lost 50 pounds and it drove me nuts but he also didn't notice when I gained it back which was a relief, lol!) but the reason it is getting better is I feel better about myself. I'm not depressed, I'm not miserable, I'm just a nicer person to be around. It's funny, but when I lead the way in this marriage and I'm kind and loving to him, he reciprocates two-fold.

That said, my husband is a generally decent man who would never make comments about body parts despite being the bluntest person I know. He takes responsibilty for his part when things break down and after 12 years together, there have been lots of "break-downs" (including a night at a hotel). I used to think about leaving and I think if I still wanted to (which I don't) losing a bunch of weight would probably give me the confidence to do so. However, it's also sparked this new inward journey I am on- a journey that has brought me to the decision that this IS where I want to be. Without food to stuff away your feelings, you will start being able to be more honest with yourself and only then will you know if you should stay or you should go. We're here for you either way.

Great post Sabrina!

[stormy]

I thank God that my husband decided to have the surgery with me. I think we would have had the same issues. He once told me that I was going to get thin and leave him. That was never my intention. Now that we are losing together, I think that we both are nervous about what is going to come. We are sharing our experience and I hope that it will make us stronger. He has never pointed out anything about me that he dont like. I have told him about his big belly which I now point out is getting smaller and I am jelious. but it was all in fun. He is just glowing, he is so excited about the weight loss. It is an incredible thing to see. I do worry at times about him leaving but I know now what he was talking about. I think that marriages if they are not solid, they have a risk of having these issues. No matter if there is weight loss or not. I am hoping this journey together will bring us to a point of understanding. We have had our troubles but I know we are strong today, tomorrow who knows. Every day is a new beginnning.

I think the important part is to remember why we do this. It is not about them, it is about us. A choice to live, fat free, healthy. With or without them, that is the way it has to be. I choose life.

[Smiles]

I thank God that my husband decided to have the surgery with me. I think we would have had the same issues. He once told me that I was going to get thin and leave him. That was never my intention. Now that we are losing together, I think that we both are nervous about what is going to come. We are sharing our experience and I hope that it will make us stronger. He has never pointed out anything about me that he dont like. I have told him about his big belly which I now point out is getting smaller and I am jelious. but it was all in fun. He is just glowing, he is so excited about the weight loss. It is an incredible thing to see. I do worry at times about him leaving but I know now what he was talking about. I think that marriages if they are not solid, they have a risk of having these issues. No matter if there is weight loss or not. I am hoping this journey together will bring us to a point of understanding. We have had our troubles but I know we are strong today, tomorrow who knows. Every day is a new beginnning.

I think the important part is to remember why we do this. It is not about them, it is about us. A choice to live, fat free, healthy. With or without them, that is the way it has to be. I choose life.

Thank you for the support! It is hard, my husband is one of the lucky ones who don't have a wieght problem he is a black belt in Karate and also teaches it. He can eat anything (and he eats a lot) and not gain a pound. He is very well built and doesn't have an oz. of fat on him. Sometimes yes I wonder why he picked me to marry. A part of me knows that my wieght bothers him sometimes even though he doesn't say it but I can tell. But he has always been supportive of me.... till now.

Thanks... I will try to keep my head up!

[CindyLou]

My husband "turned" on me regarding my surgery, when my first fill didn't give me any restriction. We had a know down drag out one night about whether I had wasted my money or not. I felt horrible and started second guessing myself for my decision.

But after a little education on the process, things improved greatly and he is back on the support bandwagon. I think it normal for them to go in and out of support and hopefully yours will come around and get a good understanding of this process.

I wish you the best!!

[chopper]

Wow. Makes me glad my wife and I were banded at the same time although I do wonder if, or I should say when we lose the weight if our relationship will change. I do have history on my side as we have been married 27 years. I'm hoping it just gets better as I don't think I can afford the alternative.. Just kidding..

[vangirl]

I am not currently in a relationship, but my memory of something was triggered when reading this thread. About a year and a half ago, I told my then-boyfriend that I had a plan (at that time, a distant dream, now a reality!) to have lap-band surgery, and his response was, if I have this surgery, what if I start getting a lot of male attention? I didn't really think about the implications of that comment at the time, but this thread jogged that memory of his insecurity at the time. It is quite interesting, the assumptions many people make about looks, confidence, and sometimes the sabotaging behaviours I have sometimes heard about from partners who want to keep their spouses overweight, for fear they will leave them.

I don't know if it is appropriate or relevant enough to this topic, but one of the concerns I had before the surgery was what if after I lose the weight, I end up attracting shallow, superficial men who only care about my looks? I want a man who likes me for the person I am on the inside and accepts the person I am on the outside. I also wonder about what a potential partner would think once I tell him about the band.

[dejongshy]

Kelly

My mom and dad went through something similar before surgery. My dad was such and ASS! When I sat down and talked to him about it he said he was worried that she was going to get skinny and leave him. Now that she has dropped 190lbs they are like teenagers, yuk..... Give him time.... Have you taken him to an informational meeting. That really helped my dad understand why it is hard for overweight people to loose and how the band works.

As for myself, it really hasn't affected my marriage other than my husband doesn't like it when I eat something that doesn't go down. He was very worried that it would limit what he was able to eat but I work really hard to make him a normal meal and I eat around that.

shy

[Smiles]

I am not currently in a relationship, but my memory of something was triggered when reading this thread. About a year and a half ago, I told my then-boyfriend that I had a plan (at that time, a distant dream, now a reality!) to have lap-band surgery, and his response was, if I have this surgery, what if I start getting a lot of male attention? I didn't really think about the implications of that comment at the time, but this thread jogged that memory of his insecurity at the time. It is quite interesting, the assumptions many people make about looks, confidence, and sometimes the sabotaging behaviours I have sometimes heard about from partners who want to keep their spouses overweight, for fear they will leave them.

I don't know if it is appropriate or relevant enough to this topic, but one of the concerns I had before the surgery was what if after I lose the weight, I end up attracting shallow, superficial men who only care about my looks? I want a man who likes me for the person I am on the inside and accepts the person I am on the outside. I also wonder about what a potential partner would think once I tell him about the band.

You make a good point.... we all hope (well at least me) that our spouse or partners love us for who we are on the inside and not base love off of our looks. Life is hard enough.... but the one thing I have learned over the years of dating men... It only takes a short time to realize if a man is really into you or if there just looking for a piece of action or a trophy on there arm and vise versa..... But don't try to read into things to much when you do start dating... it could sabatoge a good thing. But just remember this journey was for yourself and no one else!

[Smiles]

Kelly

My mom and dad went through something similar before surgery. My dad was such and ASS! When I sat down and talked to him about it he said he was worried that she was going to get skinny and leave him. Now that she has dropped 190lbs they are like teenagers, yuk..... Give him time.... Have you taken him to an informational meeting. That really helped my dad understand why it is hard for overweight people to loose and how the band works.

As for myself, it really hasn't affected my marriage other than my husband doesn't like it when I eat something that doesn't go down. He was very worried that it would limit what he was able to eat but I work really hard to make him a normal meal and I eat around that.

shy

I am attending a meeting this week, so I am still hoping he will join me and get a better understanding... But I am scheduled for Feb.26th with or without him... because this is my life and I only get to live it once and I need to do it for myself and noone else.... This forum has been very encouraging and supportive I am glad I got involved.

Thanks

[vangirl]

I am attending a meeting this week, so I am still hoping he will join me and get a better understanding... But I am scheduled for Feb.26th with or without him... because this is my life and I only get to live it once and I need to do it for myself and noone else.... This forum has been very encouraging and supportive I am glad I got involved.

Thanks

I too hope that your husband will join you because I think if he feels like he's a part of this process, he may be less threatened by it. But yes, this is for you to do for yourself and your own well-being and future. I too find this forum incredibly supportive, no matter what stage I am in in the banding process.

[Guest CaraMBA09]

My husband was dead-set against the surgery and refused to use "family money" for it so it took me three years and a second part-time job to save my own money and I just had it in December. He wrote to me the day of surgery (it's posted on here somewhere) that he has never been more proud of me for going after what I wanted and getting it- even without his support. I think he was just really, really scared that something could happen to me and that he and the kids would lose me. That and I tend to be impulsive and have a history of spending money foolishly!

I'm starting to see a new-found respect from him every day and my weight loss is helping my marriage not because I'm getting smaller and look better (he could care less...he also didn't notice the last time I lost 50 pounds and it drove me nuts but he also didn't notice when I gained it back which was a relief, lol!) but the reason it is getting better is I feel better about myself. I'm not depressed, I'm not miserable, I'm just a nicer person to be around. It's funny, but when I lead the way in this marriage and I'm kind and loving to him, he reciprocates two-fold.

That said, my husband is a generally decent man who would never make comments about body parts despite being the bluntest person I know. He takes responsibilty for his part when things break down and after 12 years together, there have been lots of "break-downs" (including a night at a hotel). I used to think about leaving and I think if I still wanted to (which I don't) losing a bunch of weight would probably give me the confidence to do so. However, it's also sparked this new inward journey I am on- a journey that has brought me to the decision that this IS where I want to be. Without food to stuff away your feelings, you will start being able to be more honest with yourself and only then will you know if you should stay or you should go. We're here for you either way.

great advice Sabrina Sweetie! you have been down this road and are well within your right of putting in your two cents.

[nursemom]

Hi Kelly,

I can understand how you feel about the husband thing. At first my hubby was totally against it saying things like "taking the easy way out" bla bla bla. When he and I agreed that I should do it, he said - Just remember you decided to do this and I don't want to hear you complain about it. This may seem insensitive to some, but for me it was a motivator. No excuses and no whining. I take full responsiblity for my band and the effects is has on our lives. He is very supportive now, but it was rough for a while. I don't know why some guys do this.... are they worried about loosing us? Jealous that weight loss appears "easy" for us? I would have your surgery, be brave and work hard. I have also found that not focusing on it (the band) all of the time seems to help. I get my band-chat and info here on this site. Hang in there!

[trulytangledgrl]

I agree with what everyone here her said. When I decided to have surgery, my partner was supportive but said that she wasn't going with me to Tijuana for the surgery, and she said she didn't think that I needed it and that I should just lose weight by diet and exercise (you know, all the ways I have FAILED to lose weight, and keep it off, before... and not just once but MANY MANY times). I got so angry about that comment because our partners/spouses, etc... they KNOW that those methods haven't worked for us in the past - - even if we can lose the weight it comes back on because we are not FORCED to take an honest look at our eating habits and CHANGE them permanently (as we are with the band). Its hard to accept when food takes over your life and who you are, but we are strong people for realizing that its out of our control and for seeking the help that we so desperately need and deserve. Its just like an alcoholic or drug addict admitting their problem - - overweight people who cannot keep weight off have an addiction to food, bottom line. The band is not the easy way out and its not being 'lazy' by any means. In fact, I have worked harder with this band than with any other diet I have EVER been on. I have worked harder physically and mostly mentally/psychologically. I have had moments where I have broken down and felt like I couldn't do it anymore because I was so upset or angry and wanted to eat x, y, or z, but I physically COULDN'T. I, and other bandsters too, am forced on a daily basis to really think about and contemplate WHY I want that cake or ice cream or that piece of cheesecake or chips, etc. I can't just stuff it in my mouth and be 'better.' I think about and deal with my emotions instead of eating. Its a change worth going through, but what it is NOT, is an easy way out.

Go forward with your surgery, with or without your husband's support. It will be difficult, but find support through other friends or family if you can. If he has an underlying fear of losing you, all you can do is be there to listen and let him know that if he wants to talk about it, that you're there. Do what you need to do for YOU. Stay strong!!

[Faith2009]

Kelly....I hear you. Most people (including your husband) are afraid of change or "the unknown". Some people, including the ones who love us are TERRIFIED of us changing, because what would happen to them?? It is a lot easier to stay in a warm pile of poop (even if it is POOP and not good for you or healthy), then to step out of that poop in faith into the unknown and face the changes. So many people stay in the same old relationships, stay in the same old jobs (the poop), even if they are unhappy because at least they are familiar and know what to expect. They don't want to do all of that work to start over into something new. Leaving those relationships/jobs would mean uncertainty, vulnerability and effort. A long time ago I lost 50lbs and along with it, lost a boyfriend and several friends. It was devastating. I was the exact same person, but instead of being ashamed of myself and staying home in my "bubble"; I wanted to go outside and DO THINGS!! My new found confidence also helped me to stand up for myself more and I learned to say "NO, I'm sorry I can't do that". It made me analyze my relationships and see that I was the one who gave and gave and gave, the dependable, "give you the shirt of my back kind of girl". I was (and still am) the caregiver and I guess it makes me feel good to be needed, but I need support too!! However, I never got back what I gave and I was running out of gas. But with each goodbye, I learned to choose people in my life who "lift me up", who give me some strength and give to me what I give to them. I have a few less friends in my life, even now, but they are "quality friends" and I have a lot more mental energy than I used to.

Your husband sounds scared and confused. Talk to him, get a counselor or therapist if you need to...like everyone said, he may just need to be educated on what you are doing. Besides, this is not about him, this is about you doing something for yourself. BUT KNOW IN YOUR HEART that you are probably doing the most loving thing you can do for yourself and there is no better example for children than for their parents to take care of themselves. Try to live in this moment and not in the future or the "what ifs??" Keep your eyes ahead and know that you will endure and deal with things as they come.

In every crisis or crossroad there is an opportunity for you to grow. Kelly...You are GROWING, you are stepping out in faith to take care of yourself and choosing not to waste any more time in this precious short life we have. >

p.s. Please let the forum know how the meeting went.

[JazzyJude]

OOH! When I hear someone mention taking the "easy way out"...it burns my arse! (a flame 3 feet high! LOL) Click on this link to what Clynn (our Moderator) had said back in Oct regarding this issue...good response.

http://www.lapbandforum.com/index.php?showtopic=8668

My husband supports me 100%, in fact, he paid for the surgery as a gift, and believes I can do this. With this, it motivates me to challenge myself to meet his expectations of me. It's working and when it really comes down to it, it's ME who I am challenging. It's amazing how this new life with my band is adapting. I feel as though a whole new me is starting to emerge into the new modern era. Seriously, working with my band is even bettering myself in other aspects of my life, my family, my work ~ well, everything! It puts things in perspective as I am losing weight. You just wait until you get to this point of "I CAN DO ANYTHING!". I thank the band for this motivation!

Now more than 3 months post op, my husband is commenting how I am losing. He tells me instead of (3) lines of fat rolls between my legs, he barely sees one and that my chest is sticking out further than my tummy. As I am losing, he is benefiting in seeing less of me. Just recently, he casually said he's afraid of losing me to another man. NOT IN THIS LIFE TIME BUDDY! I love my husband very much and I only had to say this once to assure him that I am his and no one else's. After staring each other in the eyes for a moment, he believed me and that was that. He smiled wide at this and now he just says, "They (meaning men) can see and talk with you all they want, but I get you when you come home at night!" Sigh, but then we have a good relationship with one another ~ I support him and he supports me. For me, what could be better?

[scubadudett]

I am attending a meeting this week, so I am still hoping he will join me and get a better understanding... But I am scheduled for Feb.26th with or without him... because this is my life and I only get to live it once and I need to do it for myself and noone else.... This forum has been very encouraging and supportive I am glad I got involved.

Thanks

WOW Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear that. My husband and I are going to have our surgery on the 27th on Feb. So we will be there at the same time. We will be there to support you. We don't know you but we feel your pain.

John & Lori

[nazish]

Hi

its sad to know ur story

may God bless you and your chilld..

I am married and have 3 kids...

[thanks to God my husband is reallly supportive

in first he thought I was joking but when I started sending him email

he talked to me abt it seriously and asked me if I reallly want t o do this.

and I told him YES ... since than he has supported me completly.. I am going to get it band on the

16 inshahAllah...

so hope things will go just fine........

Good luck to you and all the lapband sisters :lb11:

Okay, I am sure many of you are married or in relationships and reading things on line I read a lot of things resulting in marriages ending after WLS. Has anyone faced issues in there personal life? My husband and I have been together 4 years (2 years marriage in Feb) and I have been the same weight since we met.... yes I have had my share of yo-yo diets up and down..... And he constantly tells me he loves me for me but yes is concern about my health. The decision to get the lap band done was made by both of us but lately I feel like his mind has changed. Even made the comment to me tonight that I am "taking the easy way out" to me not only was it hurtful but devastating to here him say that. Needless to say it turned into a big fight... I was not always over weight but when I got pregnant I gained it and never lost it....and I try to explain that until you are overwieght you have no idea what it is like or how it feels and how hard it can be to get it off even with diet and excersice. He left for a hotel..... he has never done that before... I was heart broken to hear such cruel words come out of his mouth... I wasn't doing this surgery to be skinny... I was doing it to save my life and now I feel like what I read is true... and that this decision will ruin my marriage. But I also know that I have a wonderful son who needs a mother and this is something I need to do for myself not anyone else.

So I am just curious to know if anyone else has had relationship issues before or after surgery that can give me some insight on it all!

Thanks

[LaWanda]

Thank you for sharing what you are going through. My husband and I have had our share of problems, I think he too is a bit frightened as to how I am going to change as the weight comes off and I gain more self esteem and confidence.

Just remember if you do not take care of yourself, you can not take care of your kids. Teaching them to take care of themselves by example is a great gift

My kids have always done what I do, not what I said for them too. I truely believe our children learn by example

Hang in there, I hope he comes around for his sake....

lawanda